Liberals Are Freaking Out About A Racist Whole Foods Sandwich

on Dec 23, 2016 at 11:39 AM in Society, Racial problem, North America

So I guess there’s a whole controversy about a racist sandwich nowadays because OF COURSE THERE IS.

It all started last February, when Insider posted what I consider a harmless video about a New York Sandwich which I guess consists of cheese and ground beef on sub bread. Sound good I guess? Whatever. Honestly there’s not much to see here. It’s some girls eating a sandwich.

Turns out it’s not just some girls eating a sandwich, you guys! It’s 2016 SO OF COURSE IT’S NOT.

According to this sartorially confused young man, the video is “Columbus Syndrome” incarnate! What is Columbus Syndrome, you may ask? It’s when white people go around claiming they “discovered” something when minority people knew about it all along…. or something. So in other words, WHITE GIRLS EATING A GROUND BEEF SANDWICH IS CULTURAL APPROPRIATION, Y’ALL! RACISM.

Here is the peach of a gentleman himself, explaining how terrible this all is. Please be warned that “NSFW” language is putting it lightly.

Yeah, ok buddy.

I can’t tell if he’s actually this wound up about the damn sandwich, or if being AAAANGGGRRRRYY is part of his shtick, but it’s hard to give a rat’s what is coming out of his mouth when he wears a ball cap over a hood like that. I mean seriously what the HECK is going on here? It sort of reminds me how there used to be “crazy day” in elementary school and everyone would wear their clothes inside out or have mismatched socks. Remember that? Anyway, crazy day called, they want their hood-hat combo back.

So typical liberal idiot freakout. Whatever. THEN things get a little….iiiiinteresting.

In comes Whole Foods.

In terms of Social Justice Warrior bullcrap, Whole Foods is seldom what I’d call “interesting.” In fact, the words “obnoxious,” “pedantic,” and “absolutely ridiculous” come to mind. I can’t claim to understand what’s going on here. All I know is that it’s HILARIOUSLY bonkers.

So the ground beef sandwich that little twerp had complained was being hijacked by “Columbus Syndrome”? Here it is being sold for $8 (twice the original price) at Whole Foods. On a cart that says “1492 Columbus Circle.”

I. Don’t. Understand.

Did Whole Foods grow a cheeky sense of humor overnight? Is someone punking them? WHO LET THIS HAPPEN?! Surely someone is out of a job. Cheers to the unknown, recently unemployed stranger who stuck it to Whole Foods! You’re a prankster GENIUS!

Of course, people are angry. Grab the popcorn, y’all! It’s another round of FOREVER OFFENDED LIBERAL ROUNDUP!

You go show Whole Foods who’s boss, ya big brave Ben!

…I pray this is a joke. But it’s not. It’s never a joke.

Chopped Cheese Gentrification. These are the IMPORTANT BATTLES SJW fight EVERY DAY.


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