ISIS Savages Killed By Pigs!

on May 01, 2017 at 7:10 PM in Various, Humor, Religion, Society, Middle East

This is the best news you’ve heard in a while. AWD craps you negative on this one. In Iraq, three ISIS terrorists were killed by….wait for it…wild pigs! Pigs! So the answer has been here the whole time! Don’t send soldiers to fight those savage tards over there. Send wild hogs!

Hell, pigs are taking over Texas faster than Muslims (but it’s a close race) so we could spare a few billion piggies to do the work of Jesus and shove ISIS out of the Seventh Century and back to the Sixth Century. As a bonus, any terrorist killed by a porker over there now is ineligible to go to his imaginary 72 virgins (Allah only knows what’s hiding under those burkas!) and cannot enter his imaginary Paradise. Lights out on ISIS and Al Qaeda. Score one for Jesus and America!

Word probably spread around the wild pig campfire in Iraq what those ISIS savages do to goats and donkeys and the hogs were having no part of being porked by Muslim terrorists!

Now AWD will be the first to acknowledge that wild pigs are dangerous. Just the sound of their tusks rubbing together can send chills up your spine in the woods after dark. But to be eaten alive by a hog while armed with military weapons signifies that one is a stupid idiot. ISIS. But I repeat myself.

I’ve heard wild pigs in the woods many times in close proximity to my big sexy ass while hunting but I never sweated it too much as I was armed with my AR-10 and my trusty Fenix flashlight brightening up my night with 330 lumens. On my hip is either a .45 or Gunter the Glock 23 in .40 cal should I get into a pack of piggies that expends my 20 round mag of .308 in the AR. And AWD is more than prepared to hong kong on some sorry pig’s ass if I expend all ammunition down range. Plus, I could always shimmy up a tree if I had to. I think.

Anyway, this Ji-Hawg anti-ISIS pig strategy should be introduced in Syria, Iraq, Iran, Saudi….hell, all over the whole damn Middle East wherever those little Muslim bastids reside! We could strap bombs onto the piggies and send them charging into the ranks of the ISIS and Al Qaeda terrorists. Imagine the terror when thousands of wild pigs charge in come prayer time! Might make those terrorists a little more concerned about shoving their asses up in the air five times a day if some big, ugly, hairy porker comes sneaking up from the rear like an Injun. I’m not talking about their women in burkas.

But this is certainly good news to know that at least 3 terrorists are now deprived of virgins and will assume the position of pig shit. I hope word spreads around the terrorist community.

I once had a neighbor who hunted pigs not to kill them but to capture them. His name is Jack Daniels. I crap you negative. I haven’t seen Jack in about 10 years. They should do a show on Jack. It would beat the hell out of those Duck Dynasty cats.

Jack was the reddest of rednecks and all he drank was Keystone beer. He’d throw the empty cans in the back of his truck, turn away and piss on his tire in my driveway while he caught up on all things pig hunting. I never saw him in a shirt where the sleeves were not cut off. I lived out in the country.

Jack raised pit bulls for pig hunting. These dogs are not pets. They will flat eat your ass up. He’d train one dog to one ear of the hog, one to grab the other and the third pit bull to grab the pig’s snout. Once they had that pig all tied up in the mouths of mean-ass pit bulls, Jack would run and tackle the pig and hog-tie him up. Keep in mind, some of these sumbitches weighed 300 and 400 pounds. Jack would tie the pig up and God only knows what he’d do with them. I think he sold them to pig hunting ranches. He never said and I never asked. I think Jack fed a few people to pigs in his youth.

We need to make Jack Daniels a General in charge of killing ISIS with pigs in the Middle East. Then it’s all she wrote! Call in the battle ships and piss on the Admiral. War’s over, boys!

Poet, musician, lover, military genius. How does AWD do it? It’s a gift is all I can say.


Comments (0):

Top content for

Comment of the day